Teight's Blog
One guy and his family against depression and mental illnessArchive for February, 2010
ticking over
that’s largely all that has been happening today. With everything that has been going on I seem to be amazingly productive. Hope you are all well.
T8
feb festive?
Happy feb. all!
Second christmas was very nice, i hope it was for all those involved. Myself and Lady x are seeing progressively less of each other, i’m not sure if it’s a good thing, maybe it’s a precursor of a denied inevitable. I hope not. Strangely life is nicer that way, perhaps people are not ment to ‘live’ together. I went through years halfway wondering if sex was a bit of a myth, now i’m an adult i realise it’s more insideous than that and that some people just dont like it… pray you never fall in love with one. It’s not so much that it’s impossible to deal with, it isn’t, it’s just impossible to understand if you’ve never been there.
Well thats just a symptom of depression… apparently, but you just dont know… and thus reality starts to crumble… apparently i’m the sane one!
T8
Holiday!
All happy today, the sun is out, even if it is cold, it’s crisp and blue. We’re all off on holiday till monday now as christmas was cancelled due to too much snow.
Jingle bells, jingle bells…
Best wishes of the er season to you!
See you monday!
T8
light beams frost and dreams
Hi there, I’ve been working all day, get home at 5 pm and everyone is asleep! Time to take the dog out and admire the world outside. It’s sunset over the sea sat here on my rock, full of deep blues and daffodil yellows over the greying sea.
From up here the world is so beautiful, crisp, suspended and fragile; a painting on an autumn leaf.
T8
Normal
Hello all,
I had my first meeting with a psychiatrist today. LadyX had her appointment booked and I was persuaded along, in part as support and in part (presumably) to let those in charge try to assess how much of a contributing factor I am. It was an oddly normal situation just talking to someone, no raised voices, just a slight detachment; referring to events, people and feelings in an objective way. It’s odd I’m sure I did cold and analytical better than anyone else… not necessarily a good thing.
Apparently we all have to make more time for each other. Well when you are the only one who can hold down a job, and part of the joy of that is not having to deal with the person you are supposed to be making time for it’s an odd one. At the moment everything is being done through duty, and in honour of the memory of what my partner used to be before the depression became as bad as it now is. It is a properly tragic situation, I love her to bits, just not her as she is now. I’m more than willing to help work through, but in the day to day, minute to minute microcosm it is often impossible to see the person through the condition.
Suffice it to say that I spent the afternoon feeling (probably) the most depressed person in the house at the thought of this catch 22 and the implications of avoiding it, or in fact wanting to avoid.
It’s not all bad
T8
beer, bath and blog
In the bath having a beer blogging on the phone, its about 9pm everyone else is in bed, lady x and baby x. As usual, left with a slight feeling of weightlessness: i cant help feeling oddly isolated. Dont get me wrong i deal with lots of people in day to day life and work but the woman i love, loved and hope i will do so again is just a husk of herself. I’m not sure if a diagnosis of depression does not disempower the patient. In that it places the responsibility for treatment and ‘cure’ in the hands of the medical profession not in those of the patient. Maybe thats just me. Anyway here i am in the dark metaphorically and actually trying to string a family together.
Its the easiest and most natural thing in the world if your head is in the right place, and lady x does not come home at 4am drunk last night.
What made her do that.
Is it me and if so what do i do? If it’s not me does further undermining myself and her with such a question make the situation worse?
Good night
T8
A mission statement, of sorts.
Hi this is me,
I’m a 29 year old guy with a 21 month old daughter and a girlfriend with severe clinical depression. I’m going to try and update this daily, aiming to keep myself sane and hopefully help a few other people with my bad spelling.
Names and identities will be witheld for the benefit of those concerned, the rest is the unvarnished truth…
T8
